Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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