he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
