What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
