why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
