There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
We have started to decorate penises.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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