I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
