Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
