I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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