I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
