we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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