Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
