I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I am midnight drunk by noon
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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