Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Randomize
