This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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