Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
MIDGETS
????
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
