Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
smell my finger.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You're like the curious george of whores
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
