I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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