i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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