ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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