grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
