im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
