last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
