Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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