Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
