He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
