Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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