you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
