You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
