windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Randomize
