And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
