Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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