2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize