Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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