hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
