i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
