Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
