fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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