she kept yelling 'call me bella'
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
