Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
