her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
No stitches, just platelets and will power
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
