the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize