don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
