I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
