just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Randomize
