I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
