I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He better not be in your backpack
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
