am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I want a musical about memes.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
