What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
