I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
