'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She bit a glass in half.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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