what if every blade of grass was a penis?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
