You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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