I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
we're so committed to being not committed
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
