some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She told me I should be a condom model.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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