Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
