I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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