I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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