How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
