i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
