did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
