And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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