So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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