Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
