Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You should frame my arrest warrant.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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