i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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