I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You have to summon your inner elephant
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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