with your own penis?
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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