Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
