I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
